well its been a long year....

I started this blog almost a year ago. maybe a little over. I havent really written in it because well i forget about it. What is it with blogger i always forget about? i check facebook and xanga regularly. this and myspace well i know why myspace got phased out...dear iiwu did that with it being blocked for so long i forget i'm allowed to access it...anyway everyone converted to facebook anyway.

lets see whats new.
let me start by saying life has been turned upsided down many times. I wanna say its back to right side up but i know better then to say that....

lets see.
Nov was my car accident. I'm still recovering from. Soo. you do the math.
That effected my grades because i really couldnt focus in class because sitting was so painful. Same is true of sitting at my desk doing homework and writting papers. Had i know this the month before my new computer wouldnt have been a desktop...
anyway.
grandma got sick and was called to drive out and drop what i was doing.
grandma got better and went into a nursing home
went to chicago
gramdma got better came home
left for Spring Break.
3 days into break grandma died
week after the funeral Paul came home from jail finally.
3 days later grandpa went into the hospital
2 weeks later he died.
depression went from slightly managable with Malone refusing to prescribe my refill of my meds to well...you can only guess.
stress levels went through the roof between family, back pain school and work. my uclers also came back from freshman year and came back majorly. This made it so not only was i in pain from my back sitting in class that i had that pain and the feeling i woudl vomit most of the time..
That being said i failed out of malone bc i had a moderatly bad semesters then a horrible semester.
Grace was giving by one professor and non by the board so i'm staying out of malone
anyway
took my internship back at the chapel bc i found my credits from iwu didnt transfer. Ends up getting kicked out lead to another summer interning with out credit
internship was odd this summer.
i was doing better with my back untill camp
that flared up and ive been in and out of doctors and ER's since.
i have been unproductive all summer i feel
Scott has noticed and has tried to be ncie about it

anyway.
i did meet up with an old friend from highschool at the end of the semester...he would drive down and see me a owrk or just hang out in my dorm untill he was kicked out.
Obviously we started dating
its been great.
since i'm kicked out school i have no where to really go so we discussed it for a few months and i desided to move with him. he was finishing up BWM school and would have to be moving. after 2 months of job serching he just got one
We are looking at apartments on Monday in Fort Wayne


not nearly how i would have planned things going but i'm just giving up on planning and seeing where life is taking me.

...prayers

a girl in my hall way just was taken to the hospital. I was getting ready to with my RA to late meal with a few other girls. as i left my room i seen a good amount of girls (including all those going to late night with me) sitting on the floor by the other RA's room.i thought they were waiting for me. so i hurried up and luckily before i made a loud obnoxious joke that i'm good at i overheard holly on the phone with 911. One of the girls had stumbled out of her room and completely collapsed on the floor. She was breathing awake alert yet unable to respond, walk, do anything but move her eyes and shake violently. Apparently she had taken a bottle of sleeping meds. She is currently at Mercy Medical Center (closet hospital) She lived alone and only really socialized with her former boyfriend. They broke up a little bit ago and since then started coming to floor events and other random floor activities. She's very nice and very quite and very depressed about the break up. I don't know any other details but she needs prayers...as does her RA that found her. the whole floor is very close and pretty shocked up (by close i mean we are all friends...unlike my unites were at iwu) pray also she can return to school b/c honestly it could be good for her to have this kinda of community.


this more then ever makes me want this internship i'm in the process of applying for...

i know what its like to have depression

...

well I march my last season. I got the letter for the bluecoats...negative. my preformace at auditions was behind horrible. like on a one to ten scale I'm probally a 5 i can do what ever but i need time and i tend to be just behind or just a bit faster then everyone. well my perforamce at auditions on my one to ten scale was negative. i was frustrated with myself. I know i could have made collage. but i wasnt to prove i could make bluecoats. Collage has a much nicer team of instructors i would rather work with TIm and Vanessa over Christy and Brett anyday. Brett was nice enough to jump my car. so hes not all bad. Teressa was the only encoraging one in the room. but anyway i was mad i put all my eggs in one basket...like i too often do. Also alot had to do with Blue coats would have been free b/c they had much more fundraising options thanks to the 30 plus years the corps have been in canton. I desided not to go out for the corps b/c it would be jsut as embrassing a preformance.

anyway. i almost called Tim this week to see fi the show had been written for collage and see if i could still join being my last year, thankfully i didn't. I was in bad accident and marching right now would kill me. I'm already scared of the football game this upcoming sat. its almost everyone's last performance sine we all seniors minus sarah mitchell...i'm not graduating so i'll be here next fall.

other then that. i'm really sore. I hurt. i feel like ive been hit by a mazda or somethign...oo wait i was! Good new accident wasnt my fault...bad news my poor toyota camry, hank the tank, is gone.

a mazda hit me here....


pushed me into an accord here...

auditions are over.

equipment has been returned.

I must wait for a letter now from Dave.

other then that its snowing. I have an overnighter this weekend at Montrose Zion and didnt check my schedule first to see I have a game on Saturday. So my weekend is gonna to kick my butt more then school this week. Friday Watson canceled class already so at least i can sleep in (pending its not a friday chapel...) but overnighter till 6AM sat...clean up...so that means i'll leave the church around 7. 30 minute drive to malone since its gonna be just me on the road....arrive at 7:30 be dressed/make-up'ed/feed and ready to march (IN THE SNOW!?) at 8:30 game till 3ish? its early start... then Sunday i'm do my video recorded lesson on Philipians for Creative Bible teaching...if its really bad ill call and beg Scott for mercy and to preach to 180 the following sunday. i need to get a video camera speaking of which.

Hmm

thats it.

i'm really exhausted.
its late
i meant to go to bed before 12
ha.
I get along with my RA here and we went to late night. Dorm life is SOOO much better here...funny smaller dorms too. But my RA is amazing. and my RD unbelievable. not one that's watching my every move for stupid reasons.

anyway.
if anyone actually reads this pray for the short family. a girl on campus passed away while home for fall break in a ATV accident...the memorial service for the campus is Wednesday. i know there are a lot of hurting people here.

been working every night

i'm going to mke this guard
and my saber is getting better
im not consitant i can throw gaurds and catch them and they can look beatiful or they just suck
i threw a perfect 5 lats night (5 rotations) and caught it last night at dance.
it was neat

but my saber doesnt go quitely....





these are both form my isight which makes my screen go white as kinda flash....forgot since my screen is soooo huge that its resally a flash so u cant see it as dark as they are.

some how ive kept the other arm out of any visable harms way

just so u know the 2nd one those dark spots where it looks like the light isnt reaching the other side of my arm...those are bruises too.

I LEARNED SABER!

I cant spin weapon now

not very well

but finally 

i have the bruises to prove it too!!!!

for those that havent seen saber spun...

this has more dance then tim put in it.
btw this was completely found on youtube....no idea who this is

ltes see

its been a long time.

I'm at Malone.

i love it.

Its funny when you figure out something you seem to be missing that you didn't even know was missing. I realized how much guard has been a part of my life. how rewarding it is, as well as how much work is it. I also realized...i'm not half bad at it. The time away has in someways helped. I immediately go into "performance mood" when i spin. Its weird. Something i used to be screamed at for. its become an instinct. head up shoulders back... look at the judges. I mean malones marching band doesn't compete. I realized how i keep this posture. I face the audience any time i need to. I keep this position even in difficult moves or toss and don't let myself move around.  this doesn't make much sense to those who haven't been in band or a dance type organization i bet. but anyway. This is something that i never seemed to get. too much to think about at the same time. I wasn't a dancer like most people in guard so my background didnt automatically prompt me into looking up, point my toes, keeping my free arm at my side, "pretty hands" none of that was a natural thing. And somewhere along the way it has. 

leads my to my next thing.

I'm auditioning to Anthem. well it not longer is Anthem...it has become part of the bluecoats. Those familiar with DCI should recognize that name. if not. oo well.  you should. I'm excited. this is something i planned on all summer. to audition for and didn't doubt making it since I have before. I just choose to go back to IWU and not to march that season. Well I found out the moved up a class. which scared me. but not enough to fear auditions. the fact that its now part of the bluecoats should raise the bar even more. i'm assuming another class elvel soon...which would put it at world (the highest class you can be in...for those not in the gaurd/marching world)  anyway. i'm excited and nervous. Malone's gaurd is a joke compared to regional A guards not to mention 2 levels up.  soo time to kick it up a few notches.

this summer

i'm in the process of applying for an intership in Northern Ireland. I would be working with you and short term mission teams. i plan on applying for one with world vision, invisable children and i SWORE there was one with To write love on her arms. Ill keep checking. WELL i found out about the bluecoats. this has gotten me excited about marching DCI. I never though i would get that opportunity. i mean this is audition based so its unlikely i would make it with my lack of dance experience...as well as lack of rifle and saber. part of me thinks i could push myself into it. esp if i make their winter guard. this would be a world class drum crop though...as well as world class guard...as in they took 6th at the world competition last year. i mean big deal. i would be preforming all summer long.  no joke as in 40 Plus performances this summer including competing at world championships in the new colts stadium. (all indiana people if i make i expect to see you there) this is actually televised on ESPN 2. 

so i can decide. I want to do what God wants. one hand im doing missions...the other I would be living out a dream, but i would also be living with these people all summer. I'm not saying that some arent christians...but i'm taking a guess that many are not. This would be a wonderful non-traditional ministry as well. So many times i tell my kids to do stuff like that and it seems like my life is consumed with "real" ministry...such as if i would work for worldvision or what not this summer. I would look good on my resume probably but i cant get dci out my head.

Also this would open the door to become a color guard instructor. something i started considering a lot at IWU the last few years. I had no idea how to go about it and local schools didn't have a guard. having the blue coats on my resume would look very good to any band director who knows anything about DCI. which they should. its not that i don't want to be a youth pastor. I do. I think this would be a wonderful side job. i would be able to minister to small group of girls (well boys too depending on the school...mainly girls) as well as be present in the high school the students in my youth group go to. I would know exactly what's going on in the schools and what issues those kids are facing 

so ya thats a little of what's going in my head here a Malone.

here are some videos if your interested and dont really know what i'm talking about...

What is DCI?! (this is from ESPN)

Then this is the 2007 DCI performance of the Blue Coats